My daughter postponed her studies to travel – so letting her go was the right decision

I was a very anxious child and grew into an anxious adult. I find it difficult to let go of this fear while raising my five children.

The world was full of dangers and I was constantly worried about my family. Thankfully the children are growing up safely, but I always feared possible tragedies lurking around every corner. I knew my attitude wasn’t healthy and tried to hide my fear from them. I never interfered with her steps toward independence—whether it was riding her bike to school, driving a car, or navigating the city—but I was still worried. It was an exhausting art to live.

When my youngest child, Julie, was 18, she decided to take a gap year between school and university. She had been working and wanted to travel alone through Europe for three months with the money she had saved. While I hoped it was just a passing phase, it turned out that Julie was serious.

She presented me with a detailed itinerary and her plans to visit eleven countries. They would mainly stay in youth hostels. My first impulse was to discourage them and point out all the pitfalls and dangers of such a journey. But then I looked at my smart, sensible girl asking me to trust her. I took a deep breath and then said, “Yes.”

Saying goodbye to her at Newark Airport in New Jersey was really hard. She was so excited and was carrying a backpack that was quickly as big as her. Her first stop was Rome, where she attended the baptism of the twins of a favorite babysitting client who had an Italian family. This was a gentle start to her trip – at least she was with friends and had a nice place to stay.

I knew the gap year wouldn’t always go so smoothly and it didn’t. Julie got lost in the confusing streets of Venice, spent a night in a seedy hostel in Budapest, became very ill with tonsillitis and had to find a hospital in Vienna. But there were also many joyful experiences. They were able to visit our former exchange students in Lucerne, Switzerland, and their brother Patrick, who was studying in Marburg, Germany. She even traveled to Finland for the premiere of her brother Sheridan’s Violin Concerto.

During those months I worried daily, but I had to learn to let go and trust my daughter. I also had to trust that the world wasn’t the horrible, dangerous place I had always imagined.